Nervous

I want to follow the dream I had when I was younger, but I have very low confidence in my skills. I want to make manga. Don't care whether it's fan manga or original manga. It'll probably be easier for me if I start out with fan manga. But my low confidence in my drawing skills comes from several areas: my drawing isn't fluid; I still have problems with anatomy, angels, poses, etc.; I can't draw backgrounds for the life of me (buildings, cityscapes, landscapes, or even simple backgrounds like Naoko Takeuchi used to draw in her Sailor Moon artwork.) I've been drawing since I was 5 and I still draw like I did when I was in high school. Real life got involved almost 5 years ago when I met my husband, and I ended up losing myself and I got distracted easily, went through several depressions, had a baby, and then the pen to my Wacom tablet broke and since we're on a tight budget, I couldn't get a new one. All of that is what discouraged me from drawing and the depressions actually kept me from drawing. I just couldn't make myself do it.

Things are looking better now. We're a little more stable now, I have a new job that gives me morning hours and therefore gives me more time to be with my daughter during the day and also more time to do whatever I want, and I'm also on medication that's stabalizing my emotions (I'm bipolar type 2) and I can focus better and I'm happier now. And now that tax returns are coming in within these next couple of weeks and we actually don't have to use it on our vehicles, I'll be able to get a new Wacom tablet! It's going to be a Wacom Intuos Pro (medium)! I'm also going to be getting a new monitor too (a 27"). These last several tax returns we had to use to fix up our vehicles that were having issues, and last year we bought a truck and a van - to replace the Volkswagen we had before. And I didn't have a vehicle at all before last year.

I'm going to be looking at tutorials now and installing art programs. Already have 2 installed (Krita and MyPaint - thought I'd try them out.) Of course I still have Paint Tool Sai - I use it even for non-art purposes (like for opening a screenshot and trimming to a certain area or whatever - so much easier to do in Sai.) And I also have Photoshop CS2 - but only because it's free lol. Would love to have the newest Photoshop, but I'm not paying that much for it.

Just getting really excited and I'm getting so pumped!